Friday, August 10, 2012

this moment

God's timing in life is confusing.  I don't mean that in a shake your fist at the sky kind of way.  I mean that in a genuine, what is going on, kind of way.

I've been praying for a certain thing this past spring only to see it arrive in February and bear some pretty awesome fruit.  Then it was taken away.

This wasn't a necessarily bad thing that I wanted... it is a very good thing.  So I don't know why it is being taken away but it is.

And I'm sad. But not angry sad.  Just sad.

I feel like I'm at the beginning of something... or does the end just feel like a new beginning? I don't know.  But I feel expectant and excited and confused.  I had my eyes on this "thing" and now that it's gone I feel a bit like I'm looking around for something to swoop in to replace it.

But I am not sure God is going to do that.  It seems that perhaps He wants me to turn to Him and replace this wonderfulness with something Best of all.

Two times that I can remember God has done this... at the end of something excellent and good He seems to say, "You were excited about something but I want you to be excited about Me."

It's not bad to like things and to want things and to have things... it's not bad to enjoy life, to have deep friendships, a husband/wife or children.... it's not bad to desire and to yearn for gifts from God.  In fact, the bible says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12) but it also warns us not to become too attached to the gift, taking our eyes off the Giver of those good gifts (See Romans 1:25).

I don't think there was anything wrong with my gift.  It was wonderful, it brought me a lot of joy and I was able to express myself through this gift.  But God gives and He takes away (Job 1:21) and this is something He has seen fit to take away.

Who am I to argue or complain? To ask God, "Why did you take this tree away from me? It provided me comfort!" (Jonah 4).

No, in this season of not understanding what God is doing and just making a conscious decision to trust and obey, I know that it may not make sense, but that doesn't mean it's not good.

I love Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.

There's always purpose.


Alissa said...

HUG! Love you, Mrs. Joanna!

spartacus21 said...

Love your thoughts Jo. We need to catch up soon!