Friday, September 30, 2011


Well, I got close... I started the list on my birthday and worked on it till now... not too shabby for a mama of two! Just a couple days late. :)

the new list is one I can easily finish today *hopefully*.... it won't take me all year to complete it. I'm hoping to chop away at it between feedings, diaper changes and naps

the 29 things i am most thankful for... (in no particular order)

1. Hubs.  I can't imagine doing life without my best friend by my side. I can't imagine raising our daughters without this man next to me encouraging and challenging me.  We've tested some rough waters these last two and a half months.  I wasn't prepared for how unstable I would be emotionally after delivering our daughters and Hubs just never waivered in his support for me.  He has sacrificed for me time and time again the past two years and especially the past two months.  I really believe he is my "better half".  We've been tested in our patience and understanding towards one another yet, I'm never afraid to approach my husband and express my heart.  He is a safe place for me to be myself.  I love him more today than ever before.

2. my daughters. They are so full of life and yet, I am just getting to know them.  There is so much to discover about each of them and experience with them.  I love that they are mine and I get to spend my life learning about them.  They are the most precious gift I have been entrusted with.

3. my mother. I can't express to you how much I love and appreciate my mother.  She has held me and comforted me through many tearful moments in these 29 years.  She has rarely missed an event in my life that I would deem "important" and has always stood on the sidelines cheering me on towards my hopes and dreams.  I have never loved her or appreciated her more than I do after having my own daughters.  It makes me want to apologize, throw my arms around her neck and thank her for the sacrificial love she poured onto me and my brothers.  Seriously, mothers work hard and receive very little thanks.  I'm not saying that because I'm a Mom. I'm saying it because I know realize how much my mother has done for me... even after two months.  It's hard work!

4. my dad.  I love watching my father love his grandbabies.  It warms my very heart to see them respond to him and to know that they are getting their "love cups" filled by the man I love and admire so ardently.  He challenges my thinking, encourages my learning and supports my dreams and desires fully.  He is such a great man and I appreciate him.

5. my brothers and my sister-in-laws.  i'm beyond thankful for the family God has given me and the way that they have reached out to me (long distance) during my life.  I have always been supported and encouraged to live life to the fullest from my brothers and their wives.  In fact, I have a box of letters my brothers had written to me while we were growing up.  I was still at home and they were off on their many adventures in college or the Air Force.  I have a huge respect for and admiration as well for my brothers who are godly men with protective hearts.  They have always loved me to the fullest and given me a platform to jump from.  On all my adventures in life, I knew that I was able to do those because my brothers had gone before me paving the way so that I could follow and then go beyond what they had done.  I always knew I would have a home with my brothers and a place where I would be accepted.  My sister-in-laws have become real sisters to me and have encouraged me to become the woman, mother and wife that I am.  I have enjoyed texts, skype and phone calls throughout these years to talk and relate with one another on a deep level.  I can't imagine my brothers without their wives nor my life without my sisters.

6. my nieces and my nephews. laughter shared, chubby hands being held, milky mustaches, giggles, questions asked, dirty faces... these are some of the precious memories and moments I've shared with my nieces and nephews.  From the moment I became an aunt~ a proud moment for me since it's my only natural delivery experience to date (not my own, but i was there)~ I knew that there was almost nothing better (i imagined and now know that becoming a mother is much better).  being an auntie has been a thrill.  I've laughed harder than ever before and thought about life in new ways as little ones ask me questions I'd never thought of.  Now that they are getting older I am also receiving advice.  For instance, today my sweet Waveland advised me on the type of cake I should have and what it should look like.  I can't wait to continue learning from and passing on my own life's experiences to my sweet nieces and nephews.  I am also grateful that my children will have such awesome cousins to play with and learn from as well.

7. this might seem random but here goes~ I am honestly very very thankful that I live in a country where I was able to deliver my daughters in a healthy way.  50 years ago (or maybe not even that long ago) I would not have been able to deliver my daughters via a c-section and there could have been many many complications with their delivery and their health.  God is sovereign and as much as people like to have opinions about c-sections (don't worry, I was one of them. Remember? I prayed and prayed and prayed that I would NOT have one) I am now thankful that I live in a country where they are available if you should need/want one.  One thing delivering taught me? Not to form opinions or judgements on what people choose/don't choose.... sometimes you don't have any options and every person's story is different.

ok, i gotta make this quicker or i'll never finish...
8. friends who brought us meals when we weren't functioning the first two months of baby life.
9. texts from LMSN who kept me going when I was struggling and feeling alone.
10. my doctor who saw me as more than just a patient
11. the friend who came to see me and set aside time each week to serve me. (I will take you up on it, soon, I promise!)
12. little moments I've been given to "take time for myself"
13. other twin mommys
14. JK and all the texts I sent her way with multiple multiple questions (get it? ha ha)
15. the Word and how it has met me in the quick 5 minutes I have to read here and there
16. being able to provide food for my babies
17. the warmth of a fireplace on a chilly fall day
18. getting to experience a midwestern fall
19. all the women who shared their own struggles and hard lessons learned
20. pumpkin spice lattes... is it bad that i have one almost every day? eek!
21. LT and all the bottle questions she answered.  I'm also very thankful for the way you and your hubby have loved on my little girls.  Thanks for already babysitting once and doing it with excitement.
22. warm showers, blow dried hair, and a little dab of make-up.... sometimes it's nice just to feel like a woman again and not have spit-up or poop on me for an hour.
23. salvation, grace and the knowledge that I will never be perfect but that's exactly the way I am accepted and expected to be.
24. hot coffee with my bible and journal in the mornings... hope to etch out some time like that again someday
25. family time, grace from our npo that we needed to focus on family first and adjust to life... no pressure to perform for them or get back in the grind before we were ready...
26. freedom to cry and be myself with so many people
27. fall leaves, nature, a slower pace to breath deep and let my shoulders release their tension
28. tender mid-night feedings. part of me wants these to go away and wants my daughters to sleep through the night, but another part of me enjoys holding them and having a quiet moment of "just us" 
29. especially for the Lord and the way He has shown me how I am never alone nor will I be.  He continues to meet with me and speak to me through His Word and through others encouragement.  He has given me identity when I felt lost and given me purpose and desire in the midst of wandering/wondering if I would ever meet with Him passionately again.  Don't ever take for granted if you have the time to sit for an hour or more and meet with God.  It might not always be so.

Monday, September 26, 2011

the. list.

About a year ago, I dreamed up and asked close friends for ideas to formalize a list.
the. list. thee list.
The list was to challenge me out of my comfort zone and into trying new things.  I enjoyed tackling many things on my list and didn't even get close to others.  It was a good year and I am so thankful I tried some new things.  I tried a new cookbook and realized though new recipes are good, sometimes the goldie oldies are better.  There's a reason why they are your favorites... so here are my excuses... i mean, my thoughts on the list and look out for tomorrow... a new list of sorts will be appearing (if I have time and if not tomorrow, soon!).

  • 1. Write more letters and less emails
I think I did this. I definitely wrote a ton of letters. Not sure if they outnumbered my emails but I tried to send handwritten letters to people more often.
  • 2. Take a floral arrangement class
  • 3. Take a writing class
Instead of these two classes, Hubs surprised me with the gift of a sewing class. LOVED IT and look forward to taking another one soon.
  • 4. Surf more frequently
Yeah, didn't even get close to this one. I don't think I even surfed once after setting this as a goal.  Cest le vie!
  • *5. Buy a drink/groceries for person behind you in line
This is one I want to do more and make it a habit of sorts.  I love doing this. 
  • 6. Deep sea fish
Nope. I got close to completing this one but was advised not to try it while pregnant.  If I got seasick, there was nowhere to go and no way to avoid it for the eight hours on the boat.  Boo.  Still a lifelong goal of mine.
  • 7. Write a children's book
Still a goal.  Hoping to do this someday.  I daydream about my future book, what the story will be, what will happen....
  • 8. Go sailing
Nope, another lifelong goal. Someday.
  • 9. Go to another new country
  • 10. Visit a Redwood forest
Nope. Maybe this year?
  • 11. Try a new recipe each week
I got really close.  I love trying new recipes.  Once a week is a bit ambitious for me but it's fun to keep things fresh in the kitchen.
  • **12. Work through a cookbook**
Yup, tried this one and was disappointed with my cookbook choice.  If I try this one again I'll research my cookbook choice more thoroughly.
  • *13. Small gift for a neighbor
Love Roger and Alicia our neighbors.  Hope to continue getting to know them and gifting them with little goodies from our kitchen.
  • 14. Go on more nature walks
I went on more walks.... in the naturous neighborhood behind ours in LB. Does that count?
  • 15. Get all dressed up and eat at a fancy restaurant
Shame on Hubs and I for not doing this.
  • *16. Write an article for a magazine
Submitted an article/story to a magazine... did not get published.  I'm considering this completed.
  • *17. Read "My Life in France"
Fabulous book
  • 18. take a cross country road trip
With gas prices as high as they are, I could not convince Hubs to even seriously consider this.  Though we always play with the idea and hopefully can accomplish this someday.  I think it would be extraordinary.  It might have to wait till the kiddos are older now.  I can't imagine pulling over every 3 hours to feed.
  • 19. climb a 14-er w/ family
Always, ALWAYS a goal of mine.
  • 20. fun exercise every day
Spinning, pilates, yoga, walking and now pushing a stroller... I'd say I had a lot of fun working out this year.
  • 21. finish Malcolm
Poor "Letters to Malcolm"... you continue to sit by my bedside.
  • *22. Go kayaking
Completed with Hubs for our two year anniversary. Woo hoo!!
  • *23. Host more dinner parties
Had some fun people over for dinner parties. Completed.
  • 24. Get a tattoo
Za nen or in english, too bad.  I'd still like to get a tattoo but we'll have to wait and see.
  • *25. Develop my sewing/crocheting more
Took the sewing class and worked on a couple crocheting projects.  Was it this year I tackled mittens? I can't remember. But I sure do love to crochet.
  • 26. Write and memorize 28 verses
Another lifelong goal.
  • 27. Jordan's suggestion
This suggestion was "Send flowers to Mom more often" and I had a lot of fun sending flowers to my mom sporadically throughout the year.  For no reason but just to say "I love you"... another lifelong goal I want to accomplish and keep up with. Hmmm I should go get flowers...
  • *28. Becca's suggestion
This was "get pregnant" and I think I did this one with gusto.  Twins!?!  I'm giving this one a double completed!!

It was fun to have the list but I'm also glad to be done.  We'll see how ambitious I am with this next year.  I might make my next list more along the lines of "shower", "clip your fingernails" "change diapers" "take a nap" etc.  Ha ha!! How life has changed so much more for the better but change nonetheless.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have babies that need to be fed and loved on.

Friday, September 16, 2011

four years ago

 four years ago a boy walked into my life and made me feel different from any other boy in the whole world.  i came home from japan and told my mom & sister-in-law, "I met a boy"... never before had a boy had such an affect on me and I was completely smitten.
I liked him almost right away and hoped that he felt the same way.
and he did.
september 16 he asked me to be his girlfriend.
What precious memories and what an awesome journey this has been.

then september 6 2009 we got married and we just celebrated our two year anniversary. 
I love you Hubs.

Hubs gave me the best gift ever... my daughters.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

2 months and a day change

I am the mother of two month old twins.... where has the time gone?
Oh yeah, in late night feedings, pumping every three hours, bottles, dirty diapers, kisses right on the lips, crusty drool on their sweet cheeks and so many other sweet moments.

I have been writing a blog in my head for several days, weeks... but always starting over and not quite sure what to say.  I know that we are all being transformed into the likeness of Christ more and more every day but these past months I feel like the transformation has become more physical, more tangible than I've ever known it to be in the past.

I am being changed.  Or I am already changed and I'm catching up to the change... either way it's good.
I am a mother.  I am a mother to twins and I love it.
I would never trade this change, these moments, the sleeplessness for anything.  Oh, sure! I wish I could get more sleep.  But I know that's coming... I know that soon my girls will grow out of their clothes/diapers and I'll be in the next size and then they'll eat more and sleep more and before I know it I'll miss these sweet snuggles.

It hasn't always been this way though. I've struggled and I am sure there will be plenty of struggles ahead.  I want to be honest with you because I have been ministered to by others who have shared their hard transitions into motherhood and yet, I'm trying to find the balance of "how much" to share.
So until I can find the balance just know that I'm here and I'm excited to get back to writing down my thoughts, experiences and OF COURSE providing lots of pictures of my little sugar britches!