Tuesday, July 22, 2014

raining on Taylor Swift's parade

In Taylor Swift's song, "Love Story" she talks about two people getting married and sings, "you'll never have to be alone".  News flash!  Marriage does not cure you of loneliness!

People, loneliness will always be a part of life!

I'm sorry to rain on your parade but getting married, moving in with someone, and possibly physically duct taping yourself to someone is not going to cure your loneliness. Believe me, I have considered duct taping myself to Hubs because as a double whammy "quality time" and "physical touch" person that seems to be one of the best solutions to keeping my love tank filled.  Lordy, just thinking about that makes me laugh out loud. Hubs would die in two days. He would be so overstimulated. Like a plant that has been overwatered my Hubs would shrivel and die.

Loneliness is part of why I am restarting my blog.  Not my own personal loneliness but because I read my friend's facebook status the other day and she was lamenting how lonely motherhood can be.  Agreed.

But I was lonely before I was a mother.  I was surrounded by people all the time and I still felt lonely!  So why are we as human beings so lonely? If we have friends, family and people around us why are we still aching in our hearts for someone to reach out and love us?

Loneliness is a great push for us to not only search for something deeper but to also share with those around us more deeply.  I believe everyone is on a journey in life and that involves spirituality.  Loneliness is a disconnect in our spirits.  Even in my marriage, Hubs who knows me best, cannot know me fully.  So there is this disconnect, a gap in the spirit.

You can also be physically lonely.  I was often times lonely when I lived in Japan because I felt that language kept me from fully sharing who I am.  My jokes wouldn't translate, my background is different from theirs and values would be miscommunicated.  Now that was not often the case and that's the worst scenario of my time there.

So now in Colorado why do I still find myself lonely where language no longer is a barrier?  I believe it has to do with more than being a stay at home mom.  I think my loneliness also has to do with the fact that its hard to share who I am.  I'm waiting for someone to show me their cards before I place my bet.

Here's another news flash, that's not going to happen in real life.  Hubs has told me, "To have good friends, you have to be a good friend" and I would totally agree.

I'll be honest, I don't think there is any 100% cure to loneliness because I think loneliness (should) drive us to vulnerability and other people.  We were made to live in communities and I am not talking online communities.  I like my blog. It serves a need I have to write. I like facebook.  I get to photostalk all y'all!  But these venues are not real communities.  We still need to physically get outside, away from our iphones, computers and look people in the face and talk to their faces. And let them argue, disagree, spur us on and love us just as we are.

It's hard to pursue people in love when we just want them to pursue us in love. We want to sit back and let the sun rays of love warm us like we're on a beach somewhere.  And for some of us, that happens.  But even for those who are lucky to be pursued in love, you have to respond and return that love. You can't just lie there and soak it all in or it will eventually disappear!

For most of us, we have to pursue first.  We have to write the text or make the call... but in the end, sitting across from a friend, sharing life and a bit of ourselves too, isn't it worth it in the end?


Anonymous said...

"Loneliness is a great push for us to not only search for something deeper but to also share with those around us more deeply."

Love this insight. It's so easy to get all wrapped up in the loneliness itself and not recognize it for what it is-a light on the dashboard saying "be a good friend to someone else!! initiate! get out of this funk!"

Although it would be nice, we can't rely on other people to always take the first step. A good reminder!

Dad said...

Loneliness is the negative side of solitude. Henri Nouwen wrote about this, and I agree with him. That 'empty' thing we experience, even if we fill our lives with people and the gadgets of mammon, is that inner place where God is that longs for our attention. Perhaps it is even God Himself, longing for us to turn in and be with Him Who is Immanuel, 'God With Us'. Loneliness can be seen as a call, even the call of God saying to us, "Be still, and come away with Me; come here, inside, where I Am, waiting for you. Come in and find yourself with Me!"