Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I want Jesus!

I was clearing out the fitting rooms in the GAP today when I glanced in the mirror and there they were, my eyes. This shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, least of all me, that there my eyes were on my face, where they had been for the last 23 years. But it wasn't a shock to see my eyes, it was a shock to see the sadness and some wisdom behind them. Maybe not the kind of wisdom that is gained through years of learning but the kind of wisdom that is gained through years of living.

It's true that my eyes were a little crazy that morning because I had managed to cry twice before I even made it to work at ten a.m. so of course there was some quiet stillness in them. It took me as surprise that my eyes could look the way they did. In fact, it shook me up that I decided right then and there I would dedicate a blog to my eyes and write it when I got home.

Today I was reading Os Guinness's "THE CALL" and I was inspired by a paragraph he wrote early in the book. Guinness says this, "The secret of seeking is not in our human ascent to God, but in God's descent to us. We start our searching, but we end up being discovered. We think we are looking for something, we realize we are found by Someone. ... What brings us home is not our discovery of the way home but the call of the Father who has been waiting there for us all along, whose presence there makes home home."

Wow! Seriously! That is fabulous. And with that said, I begin to think of my own yearning for a home and for a sense of belonging. The tears that were shed this morning were for a "hope not seen". I had been reminded of a wound that I had carried for many years before the Lord healed me. But just as a physical wound can scab over and heal, a scab can still be picked. And that's how I felt today, that my heart had been "picked".

When my dad prayed for there to be healing for my friend, I couldn't even join him in his prayers. Not that I didn't want to pray but I couldn't speak without crying and I told my father, "I can't even imagine sitting with my friend and being able to "just be" with her." Things have been so bad for so long that I had forgotten my love for her. I miss her. I have a yearning for there to be restoration in our relationship. I desire first and foremost for her to be restored and reminded of her first Love, but I desire to see the laughter and the joy that once danced in her eyes.

I hope I don't offend anyone with comparing this to a movie but it reminds me of the third LORD OF THE RINGS (Return of the King) when Sam asks Frodo if he remembers the shire and Frodo says, "No, Sam... I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... or the touch of grass..."

And that is how I felt this morning. I felt that I couldn't remember her laughter, our secret conversations and childhood games of pretend. But God is good to remind me of the word: IMAGINE.

Last summer I had memorized Ephesians 3:20 *Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us* to cling to the promise of asking BIG things from a BIG God and today the Lord reminded me of that word, IMAGINE. Even though I couldn't imagine a time of healing and couldn't possibly imagine how the Lord would do it, He said to me this morning, "As bad as you want healing and restoration, I want to do it immeasurably more."

And just as Sam flung Frodo on his back as if he didn't weigh a thing, I will pick you up and carry you to Jesus. I won't come pridefully as if I did it on my own but humbly on my knees. I will take you to Jesus through my prayers.

I long for Jesus. I want Jesus. I long for Heaven and the end to tears, torment, and pain. I long for their to be restoration and healing. I long for laughter that never ceases and joy that bursts from our souls. I want Jesus. But as I say that I am reminded of the "job" given to us as Believers that is not yet finished. Jesus commanded before leaving his disciples for his message of restoration, hope and eternal life to be sent forth and not to remain in their own lives but to go out. *Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.* Matthew 28:19-20

There is work to be done until then, every tribe, tongue, and nation will hear the name of Christ and be represented at the throne at the end of times...

Revelation 7:9 *After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands.*

*Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For "Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back my soul has no pleasure in him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls* Hebrews 10:39

*And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death* Revelation 12:11

So whether I am in Illinois or Tokyo (see above photo) I will work for this restoration and hope that Jesus offers. Whether I travel great distances or cross the street to reach out to my neighbor, I want to see the Great Commission finished in this generation. I long for the day when all my tears will be gone and laughter will once again dance behind these eyes of mine. I want to see people from every nation, tribe and tongue proclaiming the name of our Father.

I want Jesus.


Kelli B said...

Wow, girl. Powerful...makes me want that time to come NOW!

But it's true..much to be done here and now.

I can relate to you on the "eyes" thing. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I think that I literally look dead. And sometimes, there's just joy and peace. It comes and goes.

Endure, my friend. I love you mucho.

Joanna Kay said...

Thanks Kel!! Let me tell ya, there has definitely been some life since we've started memorizing bible verses again. I get so excited when I learn something new about the Word... which I get to do when I am reading and REreading the verses God has given to us. I love you mucho much.