Wednesday, July 04, 2007

The inexpressible...

I had some alone time today. It was good. I "accomplished" one of my life goals; to see a movie by myself and it was fine. Not as bad as I thought but not that spectacular either. I guess, I am trying to grow in my ability to not be so attached to people. My friend Christy just wrote a blog on how people tease her for being the "japan girl"... well, I am often teased for being the social butterfly or the girl who is always moving until I am sleep-walking.

But I have to ask, "is it really that bad that I love people, love doing stuff with people?" I appreciate my alone time and rest and definitely my time with God... but what is it that people are teasing? Sweet, I accomplished going to a movie by myself... I've become more independent. But is that what I really want? More independence?!

Sorry if I seem grouchy. I'm really not. I guess I am not feeling too well these days.

If you've read the previous blog entries you will know I'm pretty "full" in my joy these days. Jeremy and Alaina are having a boy. Rochelle's almost ready to have my niece. And the SETTERS are more fun than I could imagine.

In my struggle to express my thanks to God I came across this verse and wrote the response that follows. (this is for you Dad!)

*Thought you have not seen him, you love him. though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressibe and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.* 1 Peter 1:8-9

Joy that is
were i a bird,
i'd sing you a song,
the red sun would rise
and i'd sing with all my might.
were i a flower, i'd bloom
every season with bright colors.
i'd wave in the wind and put
beauty in nature.
were i a river,
i'd bubble and stream,
i'd swell with depth and rush
over the rocks and bushes,
i'd become strong in song,
beautiful with color,
and powerful to
display your glory.
But since i'm a girl,
i'll wait on you,
i won't contend
with your strength,
your beauty
your song.
I'll bask in your glory
and draw close to You.
how can I express
the inexpressible?


Ed said...

Beautiful ...

It is so odd, so abrasive to our nature, that just when we feel most 'strung out' and 'worn through' with all the humiliating weakness showing, then and there, over the weakness, is a Beauty we have no claim upon, no right to share, and no expectation of beholding.

You are such a beautiful person.

So easy to love and such a joy to know.

How proud I am to be your Dad ... you are among the beautiful parts of me that I have no right or claim to hold ... but I get to hold you anyway.

Thank you, Jesus.

Christy said...

...first...your dad rocks.

second you really are beautiful the way God made you, and your personality, and how your inexpressible joy is contagious. I love how you take so much pleasure in leading others on to be joyful in Christ, using the truly great gifts God has given you.

And I would've totally gone to the movie with you! ..And then would've totally ruined your life-goal-making... but I hope you always do feel free to enjoy both your alone time and your time with people. :)

Joanna Kay said...

first... you rock...
second... i miss you more than you can imagine...
third... i wish you would have been around to "ruin" my life-goals. I'll write some life goals down that include you... how about that?
Seriously, friend. My heart longs for a time when we can connect again. Sorry this season of life is busy. I miss you and pray for you whenever I think of you... which is often.
I love you Christy.
P.S. let's do Pumpkin spice lattes again, shall we?

Sara said...

I don't know you, but your parents sure think we would get along!
I have been reading that verse every day for about a week, and a few minutes ago I just started exploring your blog and smiled when I saw it. Tonight's been a really tough night. Your poem of us being girls, waiting on God, and drawing close to him...very good. It seems like he keeps telling me to do that, and I keep doing it, but I certainly have to surrender once again every single day. It's hard sometimes.
Your first encounter with me...and I'm in an emotional state. Ah well. It's real life.
I've been praying for your family.