Sunday, October 05, 2008

to be known or not to be known? does anyone ever choose the latter?

I've been thinking a lot about being known.

Specifically, having a history with someone... what is it with our desire to be known. Okay, first what do I mean by "being known"... because obviously my mailman knows me, my roommates know me, and even people who work at the local coffeeshop I frequent could claim to know me but what do I really mean?

This is my definition of to be known.... to be known is basically what happens when you sit down to tell someone how you are really, truly doing and you don't have to preface how you are doing with why you are doing how you are doing. In kindgerarten terms "being known" is like when you sit down with a friend and you realize you've battled some major battles, cried some major tears and almost peed your pants laughing with the person sitting across from you... and they GET YOU. They know where you've been and where you want God to take you. They know whether your answer to the question "Do you want to see this movie" will either be yes or no before they even ask... because they know you and know what your answer would be and know whether or not to ask it.

wow. did you follow that? it's a working definiton.

let me ask you have a desire to be known? Or am I alone in this? Do you have ever have a desire to look across a table and see an old friend? To walk into a coffeeshop and order a drink FOR your friend because not only do they know you but you know them... do you ever have this desire?

What IS this desire? What's with our desire to be known? Is it a healthy desire or is this a gnarly desire that should be fought and put to death?

I'm NOT talking about the kind of "known" as in tabloids and television screen known... so don't misunderstand me. I'm talking about the kind of knowing between average people...

to make a long story short... i'm loving l.a. truly and deeply, i mean it. from the bottom of my heart. i could tell you stories about why my roommates make my life completely enjoyable. i am seriously digging the people i'm hanging with and "gleaning" from...

but just beyond that love... my love for this new adventure... is the loneliness for a familiar face to just sit across from me. that familiar face that tells me they know where i've been and they know where i would love to go in life... and that familiar face that just tells me all this ....stuff is okay. cause we've been through much worse together... and God has seen us through. i need a comrade, a padre, a friend whose fought the battle, been in the trenches, seen me survive before....

to tell me i'm going to survive again.

do you ever want to be known?


jamie said...

i'm comin in 2 days girlfriend! :)

kyle and jennifer said...

whoa, that brought some tears! after seeing you in iowa, i thought you'd be here in japan when we got back for some reason... now i'm missing you all over again!

i love what you said about not having to preface what you say because the other person already knows, that is such a sweet part to a friendship. have hope, it will come. and it will remain with those you've established it with (like me!)

i'm praying for you!