Wednesday, March 11, 2009


My Grandpa's funeral was today. It was so final and yet, the feeling of grieving and loss continues.
I didn't know what to expect I guess...

I've never lost anyone in my immediate extended family. I've never dealt with the loss of someone who was once a constant in my life and is now no longer...

The two most comforting things to me have been the thought of Jesus crying at Lazarus's grave. He was 100% aware that not only was he going to raise Lazarus in the next moment but then again for eternity yet he still cried. This has ministered to me immensly.

The second thing that has allowed me to feel the ten million feelings that I am feeling and be "ok" with it is what my friend Ruth K. wrote in response to my request for prayer. She wrote, "God created us for eternity, & any good-bys that we have to say on this earth are hard because they're contrary to our eternal nature. That includes saying good-bys when we go to another country, or far more so, when we say good-by to a loved one making their final journey."

Yes, I know that my Grandpa is in heaven and I am so thankful... no, beyond thankful for that. And yet, my heart aches that he is not with me during this time to tell me it's going to be okay. I guess I'm not looking for any response to this post, I just wanted to throw this out there into the immense and limitless space that we know as the world wide web.

It's like me shouting into the wind. I need to cry. I need to scream. I need to just feel what I'm feeling and know that it's not too big or too sad or too "unchristian" of me to feel sad that my Christ loving Grandpa has passed.

He was always so present in my life. His spirit filled a room and my heart....
and I just need to use this blog as a small platform to say, "Edwin Schupbach was the best kind of man."