I had an interesting day... I am learning so much about the Lord, life, and about myself... I was deeply grieved over some sin in my life today. We had a bible study on 1 Thessalonians and our study has reached chapter 4. Check it out here
We talked about sin and how when we choose sin we cannot choose God; and in verse 8, when we sin we are not rejecting man but rejecting God.
Talk about some heavy stuff. I was really burdened with the feeling of inadequacies and just guilt. I tried to talk to my Dad but we could only "chat" and I thought about writing some people emails just to vent... but I couldn't and I knew that the One I needed to talk to most was the Lord. So I got some good time with the Lord and just talked to Him.
I am total junk without Jesus. I just want to weep with how in myself I have no hope and how often satan is trying to speak lies to me. I am so thankful that there is hope in the Lord. That I can raise my head when life doesn't make sense, that I am not beat down.
Yet, the night continued and as if that weren't enough, I managed to spoil some plans made by my friends by opening my big mouth. It would take too long to explain but in talking to Mark I've realized I am far from Who I want to be like... life is so crazy, so random, and so interesting...
I don't want to be like the man in James who looks in the mirror and forgets what he looks like. I think it is healthy to feel the way I do, to be burdened by my sin and to feel the weight of it. I am not, however interested in letting satan win and to be beat down and to think that forgiveness was not completed on the Cross. I am interested in letting God claim the victory and glory in my life. I am interested in becoming the most effective for my God.
The funny thing about my life is, recently, I was challenged to pray, "God, reveal to me my hidden sins and even the sins I'm trying to keep hidden." and then all of a sudden I am overwhelmed with how my behavior is. It's like I get to see "me" from another's perspective.
There is so much I want God to change in me... so much I feel is left. This makes me sad, not because I want to be perfect but mostly because I just feel like I am not loving Jesus as He deserves. I feel like my heart could burst. There is so much I want to give, so much I want to say...
and instead I say the wrong things, and give the wrongs things...
to make this a short story, I've found two life verses I want to adopt into my life. My previous life verse was: Isaiah 43:4 *Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for you life*
And while that is still a verse that ministers to my heart my new life verse (or maybe "season" verse is better) is the following two, they go hand in hand.
1 Thessalonians 5:23 *May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.*
Ephesians 4:29-30 *Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.*
It is only the hope of Jesus's return, Jesus coming back for me... that gives me the encouragement I need for today. To know that He will take my hand and take me Home... oh, God I do not deserve this. But Lord, thank You.
Oh, to serve You in a way that would honor You,
Oh, to show You how much I love You,
Oh, to love You more.
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing all of that. You are being real and being real about sin instead of hiding it and pretending like everything is okay, is honoring to the Lord. God is the God of Peace! He will win and refine you sister!
Hey! I was just struck by that Ephesians verse as well. I have been reading throught the Nav Bible in a year plan. I have enjoyed reading it in the NLT. It is refreshing. Anyway, I liked the way that the NLT said it. Ephesians 4:29-30: "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to thos who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption." I have also been reading "Knowing God" by Packard. I had just read a chapter about the H.S. before I read this. It is amazing how God orchestrates all that to work out for our understanding. Love ya.
Jo!
Thanks for posting this. This verse has affected my life just as equally as it has haunted my life. I am glad we can relate.
I am hoping for joy and encouragement and some "spurring on" to happen as you read the Thessalonians chapter, instead of condemnation and guilt and shame. We have lived sinfully, but we have also been forgiven and redeemed.
I have to tell myself that frequently. ;)
love you dear friend. Thanks for your emails this morning. I miss you and hope to write you soon.
Your verses in Ephesians have also spoken to me. I am writing them out and keeping them near me. Perhaps I need neon lights to remind me as well. :) Thanks for being used by God in your time of deep reflection to cheer me on. XOXOXO
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