the inward struggle

This picture is pretty humorous. My friend Jodi came to visit some of us here in Japan and she thought it was hilarious that I was driving on the opposite side of the road. So I was pretending to be worried too. Don't worry, I'm not.

I feel like this picture displays an inward struggle I have been having recently.

Lately, I've been meditating on Isaiah 26:3 *You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast.* This has been my aid to my 2008 verse James 1:2-5 *Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.*

I've been a bit frazzled lately. Put a lightbulb in my mouth and I might light it... I'm that wired. I've got a lot on my mind and my heart... and then physically there is so much I want to do and accomplish. The sink needs cleaned, dishes washed at my house and the Roods, I wanted to finish that one book. read through SIJ applications yesterday (blast), go to the post office, run to Costco, and so on and so on and so on....

So I asked God, "where is my perfect peace?" and He gently reminded me the end of the verse, "whose mind is steadfast" and I thought, "My mind has not been stayed on You, Abba."

And it clicked... I feel frazzled and not in perfect peace because I haven't been actually thinking about God. I want perfect peace but I want to keep my hands in the mix. God is saying, "Take your hands off the subject and let Me do it and then I will give you my peace."

There is a calm that sweeps over me in knowing that He is peaceful.

Lord, I am sorry I want peace but I want it my way. I give you the problems and worries of my day. I will keep my mind steadfast on You.