March

March was a month full of many different emotions, memories and moments...I said "goodbye" to my Grandpa Schupbach. It was one of the weirdest feelings to be at his funeral. Since that time (the 11th) I've often woken up and the first thought in my head is, "My Grandpa is dead." and I can't quite figure out why it doesn't make sense.

I am overwhelming thankful that he lived as long as he did. But I can't quite shake the fact that he is gone. I've had so many precious memories with him that going home this summer will be a little quieter without my Grandpa there to greet me.

Going home was a mix of emotions; the death of my Grandpa, his funeral, helping my Grandma out and yet, the excitement of getting to see my family again.

Lenora Daye

Lenora and Uncle Jordan

Grandma reads Lenora and Waveland a story.

The ceremony of "cookie dunking"... my father presents the cookie jar.

Each participant in the ceremony gets a glass of milk and a cookie (or 2 or 3...)

After dunking the cookie into the milk. proceed to devour it. Yummy!

Then enjoy good conversation with the person sitting next to you...

Mmm Waveland loves her cookie...

Ooo she really loves her cookies.

Lenora

Little cookie face Waveland....

giving Grandpa a cookie kiss.

(sorry my pictures are blurry. still trying to figure out the best way to take in low lighting)

How was it everyone?
I think that means they liked the cookie dunking!

Not sure what this means...

The next day Grandpa took Waveland and Lenora out to explore nature...

Waveland spotted a bird.

and together they all found rocks.

it's so hard being the littlest, isn't it Adelia?

Lenora, Waveland and Edwin

How can you resist such a face?

It was hard to leave my family but awaiting me in California was my friend from Japan, Kanako. She had come to LA for a business trip but stayed three extra days to be with me. It was so much fun and really relaxing.

Me and Kanako


We even saw a seal off the Santa Monica pier... I didn't even know they hung around those part. It was awesome!

And after Kanako left, UCLA Navigators took their spring break trip to Pismo Beach.
(Kels, Kristine and Jillian)

under the pier

under the pier

Jillian has the best laugh. She's such a joyful person!

It was great to be at the beach, laying out, throwing the frisbee and enjoying good company.

We went to see the Elephant seals and here Kristine is laying on the railing where they show you how big the animals can get... see the bottom rail is the baby, the middle rail is the mama seals and the top rail is for Big Poppa!! You can't even see how long he can get. Way bigger than Kristine. :)

There they are!

Kelsey at my favorite Slo coffeeshop Black Horse. It was so refreshing to get some time in the Word and to hang out with friends...

No offense but I do not miss the midwest's weather.

Changes and random thoughts

I need changes. I just saw my friend Jillian's new blog set-up and I was instantly jealous. I need changes. I get bored with things that just continue to happen over and over and over and over....

seriously boring.

It's kind of interesting because I like changes but right now I'm longing for somewhere to put my roots down. I'm not sure if it's necessarily a place but more like people... How do I reconcile my need for change and new things with my desire to put down roots?

I'm also realizing that I get a certain thrill when I accomplish things in life. Do you? For instance, I drove through LA traffic and was finding my way to Bob Hope Airport (i know, right?) and it was thrilling to me that I could maneuver my little country behind through all this ridiculous traffic.

On the downside, when I was back home in Illinois I seriously wanted to honk at people for driving too slow. Changing multiple lanes at one time makes me happy. But don't tell my Mom I said that. :)

Being back in Illinois and having time with my family made me realize my idea of home will always look more like a country house than a studio in the city. I don't know if I will ever get that kind of house but to me, I'm more a country girl than a city girl.

It's absolutely gorgeous out. It's going to be 76 degrees and there is not. a. cloud. in. the. sky.

California is growing on me. I realized that the only thing I don't like about CA is how far I am from my family and my closest friends. But I have good friends here who I adore and look forward to time with them....

but if my family and my friends moved out here. Not to LA but maybe somewhere around here. I think I'd enjoy CA more.

So wait... going back to the change option, I need to change something in my life. Hmmm.... doushiyo!?

h.o.m.e.

Being home in Illinois was good... the first time in 2 1/2 years that my three brothers and I were all home at once. It was so good to be with everyone.
Sorry my fun picture blogs have been lacking.

I promise some fun pictures in the next week or so since I leave Wednesday for our UCLA Spring Break trip. :) We cancelled Mexico and will be going to Oceano, CA instead.

Yay!!

hope

Under His wings I am safely abiding; Though the night deepens and tempests are wild, still I can trust Him, I know He will keep me; He has redeemed me, and I am His child.

family

My Grandpa's funeral was today. It was so final and yet, the feeling of grieving and loss continues.
I didn't know what to expect I guess...

I've never lost anyone in my immediate extended family. I've never dealt with the loss of someone who was once a constant in my life and is now no longer...

The two most comforting things to me have been the thought of Jesus crying at Lazarus's grave. He was 100% aware that not only was he going to raise Lazarus in the next moment but then again for eternity yet he still cried. This has ministered to me immensly.

The second thing that has allowed me to feel the ten million feelings that I am feeling and be "ok" with it is what my friend Ruth K. wrote in response to my request for prayer. She wrote, "God created us for eternity, & any good-bys that we have to say on this earth are hard because they're contrary to our eternal nature. That includes saying good-bys when we go to another country, or far more so, when we say good-by to a loved one making their final journey."

Yes, I know that my Grandpa is in heaven and I am so thankful... no, beyond thankful for that. And yet, my heart aches that he is not with me during this time to tell me it's going to be okay. I guess I'm not looking for any response to this post, I just wanted to throw this out there into the immense and limitless space that we know as the world wide web.

It's like me shouting into the wind. I need to cry. I need to scream. I need to just feel what I'm feeling and know that it's not too big or too sad or too "unchristian" of me to feel sad that my Christ loving Grandpa has passed.

He was always so present in my life. His spirit filled a room and my heart....
and I just need to use this blog as a small platform to say, "Edwin Schupbach was the best kind of man."

blessed...

*Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.*

Matthew 5:4

Sometimes I don't feel blessed in my mourning... sometimes the sadness washes over me and I cannot rely on my feelings for strength. I need Truth.

The Truth is that God is a Refuge, a Rock, a Constant in the sea waves of life. Whenever I find myself losing control of my emotions I remind myself that God is the Master of all things including my emotions and especially the circumstances that make my emotions tipsy turvy.

Psalm 62:5-8

*Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times,

O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Selah*

My Grandpa will not live on this earth much longer. His journey appears to be drawing to an end... but this I know, and in this I take comfort, that his journey will go on. What we think is night drawing near, I now see is not the sunset but the sunrise that will greet my Grandfather. I only wish I could hold his hand as he takes this next journey. But I know that he and many other loved ones will greet me there.

I know to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

Being wise...

I'm curious to see what people are using to help budget their money. Or are you using something? I've been trying this new system out online and I know my roommate uses another... I'm just wondering if there is something easy and user-friendly because as hard as I try I am unsuccesfully budgeting my money.

Don't worry, Mom, I haven't made any MAJOR mistakes. But every month I try to budget and enter my spending into this little online tool but it never seems to match up to my actual accounts. So I have less money in my budget than in my actual account.

I'm frustrated.

I would like to be wise with my money. I would like to budget and save and be smart with my money... but I seem to be lacking some sort of skill that my online tool is aware of and I am not.

What do you all think? To budget or not? Online or not? Good ol' paper and pen or if you're like me... pencil? I've heard of Mvelopes.com, Mint.com.... etc.

What's the word?