Going, going, gone.

One year, it's been one year since I've arrived in Japan. It's crazy to think about this past year and to think about all the roads I could have taken and have taken.

I can't quite put my finger on the feeling of whats flowing through me. Sure, it's only a year. I've had 24 of them... what makes this one so special?

So different?

I can't tell you.

It's like I said goodbye to a good friend, both inside of me and outwardly. There was a path and a choice and I feel like I took it. But had to part from something else.

I laugh when I think about how naive I was when I arrived in Japan. I remember going to the midterm retreat and watching those that had been here years longer than my two weeks and I remember wondering what was so different about them. It's like passing soldiers; I was fresh, new and full of energy. Their eyes held secrets. Secret prayers, wishes, hopes, and disappointments.

I'm not saying I'm not still naive... I'm not saying I know what I'm doing or why I am doing it but I just feel different. Or at least the sense that I WANT to be different. I don't want to be the same person I was ten years ago, five years ago, one year ago... I want to change and be changed.

I saw the hat you've never worn but probably wear every day.
There you go- your face hidden in a million.
Some days, most days I wander where you'd gone.
To be lost in tossed cigarette butts, recycled trash, and songs I skip on my ipod.
Classic moment for the crazy.
Going, going, gone!

Gone like that moment, snow falling outside my window.
Airplane in the sky and then I was on it.
Sparkling,
jump rope,
laughing
crying.
Up, down and all around
Going, going, gone.

Clear's my new favorite color
cause then there'd be no secrets.

Puffy vests and Christmas lights.
Surrounded but alone
ring around the rosy
but we still fall down.

Beautiful like glittery packaged.
Right in front of my face but seemingly out of place.
Like me
going, going, gone.