Monday, December 11, 2006

Going, going, gone.



One year, it's been one year since I've arrived in Japan. It's crazy to think about this past year and to think about all the roads I could have taken and have taken.

I can't quite put my finger on the feeling of whats flowing through me. Sure, it's only a year. I've had 24 of them... what makes this one so special?

So different?

I can't tell you.

It's like I said goodbye to a good friend, both inside of me and outwardly. There was a path and a choice and I feel like I took it. But had to part from something else.

I laugh when I think about how naive I was when I arrived in Japan. I remember going to the midterm retreat and watching those that had been here years longer than my two weeks and I remember wondering what was so different about them. It's like passing soldiers; I was fresh, new and full of energy. Their eyes held secrets. Secret prayers, wishes, hopes, and disappointments.

I'm not saying I'm not still naive... I'm not saying I know what I'm doing or why I am doing it but I just feel different. Or at least the sense that I WANT to be different. I don't want to be the same person I was ten years ago, five years ago, one year ago... I want to change and be changed.

I saw the hat you've never worn but probably wear every day.
There you go- your face hidden in a million.
Some days, most days I wander where you'd gone.
To be lost in tossed cigarette butts, recycled trash, and songs I skip on my ipod.
Classic moment for the crazy.
Going, going, gone!

Gone like that moment, snow falling outside my window.
Airplane in the sky and then I was on it.
Sparkling,
jump rope,
laughing
crying.
Up, down and all around
Going, going, gone.

Clear's my new favorite color
cause then there'd be no secrets.

Puffy vests and Christmas lights.
Surrounded but alone
ring around the rosy
but we still fall down.

Beautiful like glittery packaged.
Right in front of my face but seemingly out of place.
Like me
going, going, gone.

5 comments:

Jerry said...

such a money line: "I remember wondering what was so different about them. It's like passing soldiers; I was fresh, new and full of energy. Their eyes held secrets. Secret prayers, wishes, hopes, and disappointments."

so poetic..

Christy said...

Wow, Jo! That's so cool! I'm so glad you have learned so much this year, and are looking forward to the next one. There's no way to know what may happen next but for sure God will make it greater than you can imagine!

btw, this is my first comment post! but I have kept up with your blog the whole time! Love you!

Kelli B said...

so yeah...you are the most talented poetic friend i have.

you are the best. thanks for listening today...and thanks for posting this for eyes to read.

it impacts me.

Joanna Kay said...

Ha ha ha! Kelli you are a riot. I think you enjoy my poems the most because you have insight into what they mean. ;) I am flattered but you really need more poetic friends in your life. Then you'll know how silly mine really are. ;)
Jerry, dude. I miss you. I need to email you... speaking of money lines your friend here (who shall remain nameless on the blog but not in the email) had a money line today. Check your email friend.
Christy, glad to have you joining the blogger world. It's great. I loved your profile by the way. Are you thinking of starting up a blog? Another one?

emily said...

Joanna, you are so beautiful. I love reading about your life. You put things in a way that is new and makes me think differently. Thank you for being refreshing. Love you girlfriend