I am a baby...
I am having to relearn things.
I was told this by many people during my training and I thought, "I can learn things" but nothing could have prepared me for how inadequate I feel.
It is good.
But yesterday, I had my first real "cultural shock". I have been trying to go to the post office for over a week now. But was going to wait until a student could take me "and teach me" how to ask for stamps, etc.
However, I decided, I will go alone and learn by myself. This will be good.
But it was closed, I looked at my watch, 12:30PM. Must be lunch. However, even after I came back another time (2:30PM) it was still closed.
And for some reason, I let this defeat me and ruin my day. I thought, "Even if there was sign that said, 'gone for five minutes' or 'emperor's birthday holiday' I can't read it. I am not only relearning, I am being stretched BY A POST OFFICE!"
And although this is funny and today I can laugh. I got home and cried. I felt so defeated and so sorry for myself. It was not good.
But today I got up and had my quiet time (did I fail to mention I didn't have one on the "post office day"?) and I read Revelations 1-3 and Galations. Several times I read, "Enduring patiently" and I thought, "am I enduring patiently or am I demanding comfort and knowledge now?" This trial of a new country, though it is hard... is not too hard.
I will not let the enemy defeat me and discourage me. I have the Lord on my side who permits and allows things to refine me. :) Someday I will read this blog and laugh, saying, "I just went to the post office" but even if I never fully learn Japanese and even if I continue to stumble around, I will remember that I am not of this world. I will embrace being an alien. :)
I wonder what "culture shock" Jesus had (if any) when He came to Earth as a baby. Is it too much to ask that I humble myself and take the place of a learner/servant instead of a "know-it-all"... I want to embrace these difficulties so that I may say that because of these I was better able to understand His word.
Thank you Jesus for coming to this earth, and taking the form of a baby, where you depended on many (even to change your diapers!! whoa!) and never complained or cried because you were humbled. Thank you Jesus that your mercies are new every morning. Thank you Jesus for these opportunities to become more like you. Great is YOUR faithfulness!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
3 comments:
It's not just a 'small thing'.
You want to feel 'adequate' for the Japanese culture into which you have been called by God.
And the enemy is telling you, "You can't even mail a letter here; how are you going to make any difference if you can't even post a letter!?"
And you are right about Jesus. The enemy met Him at the very beginning of His earthly ministy with three big tests: "If you are the Son of God......"
'You can't expect to impress people in this place if you aren't even able to make a little bread out of these rocks, Miracle Man! ...
Show how indestructible You are by pitching yourself headfirst off this pinnacle, Messiah Man ...
Prove that you really ARE able to rule by taking all these kingdoms of the earth from me ... all you have to do is simply acknowledge that I gave them to you, unless you can't even do that, Post Office Man..."
It was all the same crap he pulls with every one of us.
If he gets us thinking that we are only inadequate in ourselves, then he's got us.
Hit him back with The Word. All three times Our Lord said "It is written ... so get away from Me, Satan!"
God wants us to know, funny as it may seem to our ego, that we can't even post a letter apart from His gracious Presence.
I thought just the other day, 'God is more present to this moment than I am!'
The stars are just beginning to shinge over your head. The sun is just about to rise over mine.
And over us both, is the One Who 'holds all of this, and us, together by the word of His power.'
You are not alone, dear sister...I cried at the Post Office yesterday as well.
I was standing in a line 400 weary holiday shoppers long with a heavy package in my arms, and I was beginning to feel the burn in my triceps. No counter space to be seen. The lady in front of me talked loudly and continuously on her cell phone about how bad her dog's gas is and why her husband won't take it to the vet. The guy behind me just sighed...once every thirty seconds or so. Apparently everyone who was fortunate enough to talk to an actual employee had a mailing issue that took longer than thirty minutes because the line in which I stood wasn't moving.
The whole place smelled of stale cheese. I don't know why.
Every time I moved my wet, rubber bottomed shoes squeeked on the tile floor, which is no big deal until you have 400 people with wet, rubber bottomed shoes standing on the same tile floor. I could feel insanity creeping up on me. My hair is getting long now, so I had a lock or two that kept falling into my eyes, but with my hands occupied by the aforementioned heavy package I was unable to simply sweep it out of my face. Instead, I had to do repeated "head flicks" which, over time, resulted in a sort of delirious, vertigo state which I was not easily returned from (but enjoyed rather thoroughly nonetheless).
Much time later, when I finally got to speak with an overworked, underpaid postal staffer, I must have appeared disheveled and unkempt and rather tired, judging by the look of pity I received. I mumbled "Merry Christmas. Please take heavy burden." to the worker with her silly red cap, paid my postage, and (wet, rubber bottomed shoe) squeeked out the door.
It was after I returned to Clarice (my Jeep) and took a moment to reflect on the entire experience that I broke into tears and wept with true gratefulness at having survived another Holiday Post Office experience.
I wish somebody would invent some way to type and send messages to each other without actually having to use the postal system. Oh wait...
ubinkyoku....
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