First Thoughts

This is a more serious entry but I promise pictures of Japan, and myself along with my "crazy" adventures will follow.
My parents wrote me a card and gave it to me for when I was on the plane. It was probably the sweetest card I had ever received from them. The following is a verse my father gave me and my reaction to it (journal entry from the plane).

*Jesus began to announce The Good News concerning the Kingdom of God. He took His disciples with Him, along with some women He had healed... Among them... Joanna* Luke 8:1-3

My goodness Lord- what powerful words You have given me through Your word. WOW Lord! Thank you for healing me! And not just from my life before You but from the wrongs I did yesterday, and the wrongs I'll do tomorrow! Truly You are my Redeemer! My "Hosea"~ even though I know that's a picture of You love for Your people. LORD, You have made my dream to serve You come true! My heart soars on eagles wings... and I am thrilled. How You have found pleasure and delight in me is only because of Jesus! Lord, truly... I am Your creation! Joanna means "God's Gift"~ LORD let that be true! Let my gift be Your Good News! Let me live with such fierce passion for You the trees quake and mountains bow down. At Your Name, At Your power!
LORD, the same healing You gave to me and so many I know~ LORD, give that healing to the students I will encounter. Jesus bring the healing You speak of in Isaiah 60:1-2
*The Spirit of the LORD God is upon Me, becasue the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn*

Take a deep breath...

Breathe in, breathe out....
That's all I can think of as I sit here tonight. It's late and I am tired but my mind is reeling and I don't want this moment to slip away from me tonight. All along I keep saying, "It hasn't hit me yet. It hasn't hit me yet." And although everyone around me is wishing me the best of luck and "sending me off"~ I've managed to keep my composure.

But as my parents sleep and as I sit here in my family room... a small stirring in my heart awakens and I feel a small tug. Maybe it's because my cousin Josiah was over tonight and we watched "Family Christmas 1987"~ which, okay, I'll admit wasn't the smartest thing for me to do at this time. Maybe it's because I opened my Christmas gifts and realize it's not even halfway through December...

Whatever it is... the feeling of time passing, the amount of errands piled high on my list, or the phone calls that never cease because people are calling to make that last comment or well-wishings... it has hit me tonight.

I am moving away. I don't feel like this should be a big deal because I survived the transition to college. But it does.

I feel like I'm not being brave... part of me says, "Give it up! It's not a big deal, it's only two years."

But there is another voice that says, "It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad."

I want to be brave and I want to be strong... and I'm NOT saying that crying is weak. I just don't want to make a big deal out of this. So many missionaries have gone before me. I read all about Adoniram Judson's life and I feel "unworthy" to be considered a missionary. He went, knowing that he probably would never see his family again. When he boarded the ship he said goodbye until Heaven. So I feel awkward crying for two years.

Is that selfish of me? It doesn't make sense does it?
Sorry this blog is... random!

This entry is dedicated to one gal who has helped me grow (leaps and bounds) in beauty. When I met Miss Hatcher, we were preparing to leave for a summer missions trip to Japan in 2003.

I remember thinking that Amy was lady-like and a gentle soul. I knew from the first minute I met her, that we would be friends and that I would learn from her.
I have so many good memories of Amy... where to start? Rice fields and Mt. Fuji? Laughter in Lighthouse? Getting massages from chairs that just shook us... Amy is quick to laugh at my jokes and make me feel like the world's best story-teller (though that is not often true). Amy is a beautiful woman, with a heart of gold that longs to serve the Lord. She has been my listening ear, my shoulder to lean on, and my laughter for two and a half years. She has been quick to send me a funny card, text me a message of encouragement, or send me some of her beauty.
Amy has gentle pushed me into expressing more of my femininity, through everything from my heart's tenderness to the way I dress... Amy would never let me settle for jeans and t-shirts. Ha ha! Amy has been quick to go to the Lord and to the Word. She has shared heartache and joys with me.
The flowers above are from Amy. Since she could not be a part of my farewell party tonight she sent some of her beauty in the form of flowers.
Amy, they are gorgeous~ I don't think I have EVER received flowers more beautiful! They smell AMAZING!! And I didn't know if you knew what they looked like so I wanted to share them with you... sorry I have yet to figure out how to blog a "smell". I will miss our daily text messages, sometimes about nothing but wanting to say "hi".
Thank you for your beauty and for your friendship. You are the kind of friend dreams are dreamed for.
I will miss your laughter (can you tape record it so when I tell a bad story I can hit play and hear you laughing?) and will miss our talks. But I am honored to have known you and know that our friendship, with God as our center, can not be threatened by time and distance.
You are in my prayers.
(p.s. look at how they spelled gambate :) )

Good news

P.S. On a lighter note~ I found a "change" on my settings where anyone (with/without blogs) can comment on my pages... I know a couple of people (Mom and Amy Noxon for example) said they would have commented, if they had a blog.
So... yay!

Stars...

I've always been fascinated by the stars... from my days of living as a young girl in the country and being able to count all the stars (or trying to) I've loved looking up at them and just thinking of God's amazing hand upon my life.

I was thinking that tonight as I drove home from Kalamazoo... I finished my last roadtrip for now and have finished all my long-distance goodbyes. Starting tomorrow friends and family will trickle into my small home to wish me good luck, say a prayer, and bid me farewell as I travel to Japan.

The stars were out tonight, not as bright as they shine in a country sky but I could see some of the constellations and was in deep thought as I looked at them (while not taking my eyes off the road). I thought of the verses in Job 38 where God is answering Job, when he questions God's hand upon his life.

God says, *"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?* (verses 4-7)

I think of how God has been faithful to create and to work in my life, not to mention all around me. I think of how I can't always see too far ahead of me, but how God has always been faithful to guide me and lead me. I may not always understand or even know what God is doing specifically in my life, but I know that His best is what I desire.

I also thought of the verses in Philippians 2 *Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.* (verses 14-16)

As fascinated as I have been with the stars, I want to devote that energy to the Lord and I want to be fascinated with Him and what He is doing. I want to do things without complaint and without arguing... I want to become blameless and pure so that I can shine like a star in a crooked and depraved world...

Lord, thank you that this is not as good as "joanna" gets. Thank you that You are continually doing a work in me. Thank You that You will not give up on me, You will not quit the work of my life until it has been brought to completion. Thank you for being You and thank You for the opportunities You have laid before me. I pray that I would shine You and live each day pursuing You, Lord. I trust in You and trust in what Your hand will do with my life...

Faith

My heart is "restless" tonight... I can't quite put into words what I am feeling but I thought immediatly of Hebrews 11. Although I am scared of my unknown, I feel that what these verses say will bring some comfort so that I can sleep tonight.
*And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him... By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going... For he was looking foreward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God.* Hebrews 11:6,8,10

Words that heal...

*Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.* Psalm 73:23-28

*Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places.* Habakkuk 3:17-19

*And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.* Isaiah 30:21

I heart the Air Force!

I would like to give a "shout out" to my Air Force friends~ those in and those who were formally a part of the AF.
Today my father and I ventured to Chicago. We took care of my VISA for Japan. But then the adventures began as we went to visit my Grandpa Icenogle in the Hines Blind Rehabilitation Center. My Grandpa took part in the greatest war this world has known, World War Two. Actually he was over in Japan for the signing of the peace treaty. He was a photographer and was even on the cover of Time Magazine with a caption that said something to the effect of "Shooting at the Same Target" which was under a picture of my Grandfather and a Japanese photographer both capturing the "beginning" of peace on film. He is at Hines right now learning how to use email and the computer through the Center which will equip him with special magnification computer programs. It's pretty cool. While we were there Grandpa showed my father and I the stone that Grandma had "bought" for him (the above picture). I had to take a picture of the stone to capture the lump of pride I felt in my throat. I am so proud of my Grandpa.
The other picture is of the memorial which stands in Clear Lake, WI. My brother Jordan will forever etched into that stone for the service he did in the post-desert storm operations. (Jordan if I got that wrong, just let me know) :)
Both Jonah and I have sought after Jordan's name, just to trace his name with our fingers and pay our respects. It's funny because Jordan has never seen it, except through pictures.
I come from a family that is proud of this country and has fought to protect it. This is a special "thank-you" to Jordan and Grandpa Icenogle, I am so proud of you two and love you both very much.
And to Matt, soon it will be your turn to "venture" beyond the gates of the Academy. Enjoy and make the most of this time... soon you'll be using all you have learned.
I am proud of you guys!

Further In! Further Up!

I decided last night that the name of my Japan newsletters would be "Further In! Further Up!"

This came to me as I was riding home in the car from Thanksgiving in Denver. I was thinking of verses that I was claiming from the Bible for this season. And I thought of Isaiah 55. I have been meditating on that chapter for the past two months. There is just so much from that one chapter alone that I want to claim that it would take a long time for me to explain how the Lord has used that chapter in my life.

But the verses that have spoken to me the most are verses 8-9 which say, *“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”*

I like those verses because they speak of how high God's ways are and how even our best plans for ourselves are nothing in comparison with what God desires for us. I love the thought that God has something bigger in store for me than what I could picture or even plan.

These verses go with the line "Further In! Further Up!" spoken by Aslan in C.S. Lewis's The Last Battle which is the last book of the Chronicles. Aslan dashes off into the "new Narnia" and challenges the other characters to chase after him and explore their new home.

I always pictured Aslan challenging the children (who are now grown~ tear) to grow out of what they had previously loved to experience something greater. It's about being stretched and allowing the Lord to stretch and grow you. It's saying goodbye or "no" to something good to allow God's best in.

That's scary, huh? I don't know what God's best is... in fact, sometimes I think life can't get any better than how it's going at that moment... but when He asks me to be moved, be stretched... I want to say yes.

A song that I love (thanks Brannan for reminding me) is by Sara Groves. (editor's note: Her Conversations cd is excellent in my opinion). She sings the following:
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful,
He’s always been faithful,
He’s always been faithful to me.

Leaving...

I just wanted to let everyone know, all my faithful readers... that I have purchased my plane ticket for Japan.

I am leaving the 14th of December and will arrive in Tokyo the 15th of December. Crazy huh? (crazy in a good way)

Although I am very excited and have been waiting for this opportunity for many years I am also realizing I may go through a grief process. The people at the Navigators said that there would be a grief process leaving the States... although I believed them then I didn't think it would happen to me. I thought I would beat down the door to Japan...
Some things I'll miss...

my father making coffee in the morning
Jordan and Rochelle five blocks away, having the best of friends in them
Scrabble with my Grandma
Lenora's first two years
my Mother and I sharing girl stories
time with friends in Iowa City and Lincoln
Jeremy's humor and Alaina's warm hospitality
Becca's hugs and Jonah's thought-provoking questions
fires in the fireplace in the family room
snow
being able to call certain someones anytime I feel like it

But!
Some things I look forward to

learning Japanese (seriously)
learning to cook fun meals
new friendships
working with the Roods, the Hayes, and Mary Vacha (yee-haw)
karoke till the wee hours
sharing my heart
laughing
learning about a new culture

Although, it's true I am leaving... I know that I take so many good memories and lessons in my heart to share with my new friends. I know that you, who have touched my life, will impact a little bit of my heart in my new home. And when I return I will have a little bit of Japan to share with you!

Philippians 4

To my girls: Nox, Laura, Pepping, Rachael, and Katie...

*Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid again and again when I was in need. Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account. I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.* (pieces of Philippians 4)

I miss you guys like crazy. I was reading Philippians 4 and was thinking of you all. Thank you for meeting all my needs, like the Philippians church, my needs of friendship, love, accountability, strength, and Jesus. Thank you for showing me Jesus. Thank you for your teachable hearts and forgiving me as I humbly led you. I was thinking of our two years together and how much I miss our weekly times of accountability. Stand strong in the Lord, my beloved girls. I love you more than you'll ever know.

faithfully yours,
jks

I want Jesus!

I was clearing out the fitting rooms in the GAP today when I glanced in the mirror and there they were, my eyes. This shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, least of all me, that there my eyes were on my face, where they had been for the last 23 years. But it wasn't a shock to see my eyes, it was a shock to see the sadness and some wisdom behind them. Maybe not the kind of wisdom that is gained through years of learning but the kind of wisdom that is gained through years of living.

It's true that my eyes were a little crazy that morning because I had managed to cry twice before I even made it to work at ten a.m. so of course there was some quiet stillness in them. It took me as surprise that my eyes could look the way they did. In fact, it shook me up that I decided right then and there I would dedicate a blog to my eyes and write it when I got home.

Today I was reading Os Guinness's "THE CALL" and I was inspired by a paragraph he wrote early in the book. Guinness says this, "The secret of seeking is not in our human ascent to God, but in God's descent to us. We start our searching, but we end up being discovered. We think we are looking for something, we realize we are found by Someone. ... What brings us home is not our discovery of the way home but the call of the Father who has been waiting there for us all along, whose presence there makes home home."

Wow! Seriously! That is fabulous. And with that said, I begin to think of my own yearning for a home and for a sense of belonging. The tears that were shed this morning were for a "hope not seen". I had been reminded of a wound that I had carried for many years before the Lord healed me. But just as a physical wound can scab over and heal, a scab can still be picked. And that's how I felt today, that my heart had been "picked".

When my dad prayed for there to be healing for my friend, I couldn't even join him in his prayers. Not that I didn't want to pray but I couldn't speak without crying and I told my father, "I can't even imagine sitting with my friend and being able to "just be" with her." Things have been so bad for so long that I had forgotten my love for her. I miss her. I have a yearning for there to be restoration in our relationship. I desire first and foremost for her to be restored and reminded of her first Love, but I desire to see the laughter and the joy that once danced in her eyes.

I hope I don't offend anyone with comparing this to a movie but it reminds me of the third LORD OF THE RINGS (Return of the King) when Sam asks Frodo if he remembers the shire and Frodo says, "No, Sam... I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... or the touch of grass..."

And that is how I felt this morning. I felt that I couldn't remember her laughter, our secret conversations and childhood games of pretend. But God is good to remind me of the word: IMAGINE.

Last summer I had memorized Ephesians 3:20 *Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us* to cling to the promise of asking BIG things from a BIG God and today the Lord reminded me of that word, IMAGINE. Even though I couldn't imagine a time of healing and couldn't possibly imagine how the Lord would do it, He said to me this morning, "As bad as you want healing and restoration, I want to do it immeasurably more."

And just as Sam flung Frodo on his back as if he didn't weigh a thing, I will pick you up and carry you to Jesus. I won't come pridefully as if I did it on my own but humbly on my knees. I will take you to Jesus through my prayers.

I long for Jesus. I want Jesus. I long for Heaven and the end to tears, torment, and pain. I long for their to be restoration and healing. I long for laughter that never ceases and joy that bursts from our souls. I want Jesus. But as I say that I am reminded of the "job" given to us as Believers that is not yet finished. Jesus commanded before leaving his disciples for his message of restoration, hope and eternal life to be sent forth and not to remain in their own lives but to go out. *Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.* Matthew 28:19-20

There is work to be done until then, every tribe, tongue, and nation will hear the name of Christ and be represented at the throne at the end of times...

Revelation 7:9 *After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands.*

*Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For "Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back my soul has no pleasure in him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls* Hebrews 10:39

*And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death* Revelation 12:11

So whether I am in Illinois or Tokyo (see above photo) I will work for this restoration and hope that Jesus offers. Whether I travel great distances or cross the street to reach out to my neighbor, I want to see the Great Commission finished in this generation. I long for the day when all my tears will be gone and laughter will once again dance behind these eyes of mine. I want to see people from every nation, tribe and tongue proclaiming the name of our Father.

I want Jesus.

Banjo Onmyknee Schupbach

Laughter... it's one of my favorite things to do. Some of my best moments have happened while I was laughing, and some of my most embarassing moments. Just ask Nicole Farley about our pop drinking contest that occured last week. Anyway, this dog, Banjo Onmyknee Schupbach (who belongs to my brother Jordan and his wife Rochelle) has provided me with more laughter than I was expecting when she first joined our family.
For instance, Banjo has been going through some training... the last year has been one intense lesson and so after tonight's laughter episode I thought I would share some of my Banjo training highlight stories...
When Banjo was younger, she was learning how to jump into the jeep. She would put her two paws on the jeep ledge and would expect Jordan or Rochelle to pick her up. But Jordan and Rochelle were adamant about getting her to jump into the jeep. So Mom suggested that maybe Rochelle needed to take a running start with Banjo. So Rochelle would back up a couple steps and then run into the jeep and Banjo would run with her but then stop and put her two paws up on the ledge. Back and forth Rochelle ran across our front lawn.
Then Jordan thought that if he nudged her in the back she'd get the idea, well
that didn't work because Banjo thought she was supposed to lean on Jordan's leg and so she just flopped backwards.
The dog is so silly. One time, when they were grilling out in their backyard, Jordan caught her eating the ashes, so he "rapped" on the window (with his knuckles, not like Tu Pac) and she turned to look at him. When she breathed out ashes blew out of her mouth, like pffft.
ha ha
Banjo once ate a whole shingle that fell of our Uncle Mark's house. Banjo also got "fixed" and had a cone put around her neck to keep her from eating her stitches. At first, she liked her cone because she learned how to use it to "shovel" in the dirt with it. She'd dig, dig, dig and then SCOOP with her cone and toss it over her shoulder.
Then she grew tired of the cone and ate it. Yup, she ate it!
She'll eat anything and she is SO disobedient. Man, I've never seen a dog deliberatly disobey their master.
Today's episode with Banjo was that she ate a piece of wood from the fireplace (there was no fire in it) but then Rochelle had to dig in her mouth (SICK ME OUT) and then had to shake her face with her mouth pried open.
ha ha ha!!
Man, thanks Banjo for all the laughter. Actually, thanks Jordan and Rochelle for letting me laugh at you.

bear costume...:)

Who can resist such an adorable face? With this face, Lenora Daye is growing into postively the cutest thing ever. I bought her that bear costume. She is now smiling and cooing to Jonah and Becca. I am absolutely in awe at how fast she is growing. What a precious baby!! Did I mention I got Leni that bear costume?
Nothing too new in the Schupbach household. We are anticipating Thanksgiving out in Denver (I can't wait to see those mountains!!) with Jeremy, Alaina, and Alaina's family. We are all very excited. I am flying out early to take care of some business and hang with friends in the Springs but then spend some quality time with Jer Bear (aw, Jer Bear~ Leni must get it from you Jer) and Alaina. I cannot wait!! Other than visitng the Colorado Schupbachs and hopefully the Michigan Schupbachs there are no huge plans in this girls life.... oh yeah, Japan!! Ha ha!! But I meant before Japan.
So what's with the pointless blog? WELL!! In case you didn't notice, there is a picture of a BEAUTIFUL baby up there.... so, now that I've blabbed about nothing, showing off my niece is officially over. I'm glad we could share this blog, just so I could show her off.
...did I mention I bought her that adorable bear costume?

Cherishing Friendships....

Kelli, even though you forgave me for how I treated you on Sunday... I wanted to write and tell you what I learned tonight in Bible Study and let you know that I value your friendship more than you'll ever know.

This is dedicated to my true friend, Kelli Burrier!

Tonight in Bible Study we talked about Matthew 7 and asked the question "Are we concerned with people being right with God or do we hold them tightly to our own standards?"

When I first met Kelli Burrier, she was Kelli Brown. Yes, she's the pretty girl in the picture above. It was the spring of 2004 and although we had just met I knew that Kelli was someone I wanted to invest my heart in. It began with some deep emails, right away Kelli and I dug deep into our friendship, asking for prayer for this and patience with that. We wanted to see God move HUGE in the summer we had coming up. We were looking ahead to our summer in Winter Park, Colorado for a Navigator Summer Training Program where Kel and I would be leaders.

Kelli and I became accountability partners when we entered the summer. The summer was "a-to-the-mazing" to quote something Kelli always said. This girl was real, she was solid, and she wanted something more. The first night our speaker Drew Frazer spoke, she and I cried, wanting more of the BIG GOD, Drew spoke of. We talked with Drew late into the night about wanting so much more than the small doses of God we had been used to. That started the mornings prayers. Kelli and I would get up real early in the morning to pray for our bible studies, those around us, and each other. I remember one time we couldn't finish our prayer in the room we were using because the guy who vacummed didn't realize he was interrupting our prayers. (I think he thought we were sleeping?)
I don't think I can ever read Romans 12:9-21 without thinking of Kelli and how we passionately prayed to become more like Christ. Kelli is intense!! I remember running through freezing waterfalls in all our clothes, just to be silly. I remember driving home from Colorado Springs and memorizing five verses. Kelli always had a new verse, a new lesson~ something she couldn't wait to share with me and those in her life. Kelli was all about giving her life away. She continually invested in those God put in her path and was passionate about the ladies God led to her. Kelli, you have spurred me on and made me reach for so much more of God than what I have now. You wouldn't let me settle!

Kelli taught me a lot about being a woman of God. I was delighted to see her friendship with a young fella' Marcus, turn ever so slowly at first, into something more. I remember so many of those first feelings Kelli had. (my personal favorite story, Kel? soggy fries vs. crunchy fries)Waiting on the Lord for His favor, seven months later they were married.

The summer ended much to quickly and Kel and I vowed to write hand-written letters as opposed to emails or phone calls. We didn't want to write "fluff" to each other and knew that hand writing each page would force us to be real and dig deep with one another. Our letters were twelve pages of intense friendship. Followed by one page of silly questions i.e. "Wat did you just eat? Last time you showered?" ha ha... even though Kelli was intense with her time with the Lord, she has a carefree side that is free and light-hearted. Through those pages I caught a glimpse of the beautiful girl that God had created with a heart to be His. I learned to LOVE my mailbox and cherish each page of Kelli's realistic life. She told me the good and the bad... and we shared life with one another. (And Kelli, I have a box full of letters and cards people have given me to read when I am lonely in Japan~ guess where all of YOURS have ended up... i look forward to rereading them in Japan and getting to hear your heart.)

When Kelli and I parted ways for the summer, I "gave" her the verses from 1 Samuel 18:1-3 *As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.*

And Kelli~ going back to the question my Bible study asked tonight~ I was being so selfish of your friendship... and I am sorry. When I confronted you I was hurt but the bigger issue is not "are you right with me" the bigger question is, "was our weekends in step with God, and am I concerned with whether you are right with God?"
I have not been the kind of friend to you that I would want for myself. You are full of grace and beauty. Thank you for joining me on this crazy journey as we continue to become more like Christ. And thank you for your honesty... you'll never realize how true those 1 Samuel verses are of me. Thank you for being YOU!!

And to others who read this, these 1 Samuel words ring true of my heart to serve you. Have grace on me as the Lord works on me to bring me to completion... I cherish your friendships, I cherish our moments. You make me laugh, you make me smile. You make me love Jesus!! Thank you!

Crazy but I believe this time

Begging for sweet relief

A blessing in disguise
Dying behind these tired eyes

I've been losing sleep

Please come to me

Tonight

Hands on a miracle

I got my hands on a miracle

Believe it or not, hands on a miracle

And there ain't no way

I'll let you take it away

Everything that we survived

It's gonna be alright

Just lucky we're alive

Got no vision I've been blind

Searching everywhere

You're right there in my sight

Hands on a miracle

I got my hands on a miracle

Believe it or not, hands on a miracle

And there ain't no way

I'll let you take it away

Hands on a miracle
I got my hands on a miracle
Believe it or not, hands on a miracle
And there ain't no way
I'll let you take it away

Take it away

Foo Fighter's "Miracle"

Quotes for 10:30PM 10/06/2005

*When I was growing up, I went to Bible Camp every summer for a week... making friends and experiencing life changes. At the end of the week, every summer, the windows of that station wagon grew blurry as I would without fail burst into tears as my parents pulled away...
I feel like that today.
I know that this week has to come to an end, and even anticipate the upcoming changes but a little piece of my heart stays here with you... with the friends I made here. I can't quite explain how someone I met seven days ago can move me to tears but these people can, I have come to look for your face, listen for your call, look for your smile... but these things I will take with me as the windows once again grow blurry* JKS

*She dreams she's dancing, around and around, without any cares and her very first love is holding her close, and the soft wind is blowing her hair...* Rascal Flatts "Sara Beth"

*I've been painting pictures of Egypt, leaving out what it lacked. The future feels so hard and I want to go back. But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned, and those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned.* Sara Groves "Painting Pictures of Egypt"

*A Christian woman's true freedom lies on the other side of a very small gate- humble obedience- but that gate leads out into a largeness of life undreamed of by the liberators of the world, to a place where the God-given differentiation between the sexes is not obfuscated but celebrated, where our inequalities are seen as essential to the image of God, for it is in male and female, in male as male and female as female, not as two identical and interchangeable halves, that the image is manifested.* Elisabeth Elliot "The Essence of Femininity: A Personal Perspective"

*When Christian was crossing the River at the close of Pilgrim's Progress, his heart failed him for fear. He began to sink in the cold, dark waters. But Hopeful, his companion, helped him to stand, calling out loudly, "Be of good cheer, my brother; I feel the bottom, and it is good." Then Christian recovered his faith, and passed safely through the waters to the Celestial City. If there are (those) who find the waters... dark and deep, who feel, "I sink in deep waters, the billows go over my head; all his waves go over me," this is my message... "Be of good cheer, my brother, my sister; I feel the bottom, and it is good."* Maragret Clarkson quoted in John Piper's "Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood"

Perspective

*I cared not where or how I lived, or what hardships I went through so that I could but gain souls for Christ. While I was asleep I dreamed of these things, and when I awoke the first thing I thought of was this great work. All my desire was for the conversion of the heathen, and all my hope was in God* David Brainerd (quoted in Piper's "Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood")
I don't want to say too much because I don't want to take away from the thoughts that this quote produces... but my heart is pondering some things... read on if you dare.
May God grant me a heart that is so submissive to His greater work like Brainerd's quote above. I am out in Colorado Springs finishing up my training (state side) for Japan. And it has been a heavy two days. The first day was basic heart issues and I received some hard news about a friend.
God is definitely preparing me for something big and I can't quite put my finger on it. Although in all reality God never intends to be pinned down by my idea of "something big". My idea of something big is nothing compared to what He offers me.
I have often heard it said that we must say no or give up some things that are good in order for God to give us something better.
Have I done that? Am I willing to do that?
My heart is heavy with friends who are suffering and who are walking in darkness...
My heart aches, because I long to fight the great battles and be bold like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I heard a speaker once say that the LORD could have stopped those three from entering the fiery furnace (check out Daniel 3 if you haven't read the story). God could have saved them and glorified His name by turning off the furnace or preventing them from entering it. YET, it was their faith, that even if God did not save them from the fiery furnace they would still not serve the King's gods or the golden image. (Dan. 3:16-18) So the King threw them in and they were probably thinking, "Well, goodbye guys! See you on the other side!" But the BEST part of the story is that when they entered the furnace GOD MET THEM THERE!!
Sometimes God wants to meet with us in the midst of our fiery furnace. Wait! Let me say that again so it can sink in, GOD WANTS TO MEET US IN THE MIDST OF OUR FIERY FURNACE!!
And not only meet us but glorify Himself through our faith that travels us there. It's true that those three guys "knew" they were about to descend into the furnace, but it was "unknown" to them what God's outcome would be. Could God have been glorified through those three men dying for His name? You bet!! But God chose that time and place to meet with the three guys to show that even in our fiery furnaces He can and wants to meet us where it's hot.
...
I don't know if this makes any sense. I feel like with training I am being refined by fire, in my own little furnace in a way. I'm just thinking, jotting down thoughts as I stare at this screen.
...
*And they hae conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death* Revelation 12:11
Lord, place in me the Spirit of boldness. That I would be like those three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego who did not know their fates but stood firm on the Truth that YOU are better than even life. I lay down all the "good" and even the sin I choose in my life and I wait for Your best. Lord, place in me a patient heart, that I may sit at Your feet and wait. God, sometimes waiting is so hard but I choose to wait for what You will do in my life. And I pray this for my friends. May they choose You today.

Celebrating Life...

I'm realizing that birthdays are so much more than celebrating your own life...
In fact, birthdays should be about celebrating the lives of those who have made me who I am today. So I want to take time to thank those who have made me who I am...
Thank you to my faithful friends who have taught me what real friendship looks like, thank you to my family who has loved me unconditionally. Thank you to the people who have gotten up at six in the morning just to spend some time praying for those around us.

Thank you to those who have allowed me to be goofy and have laughed with me. Thank you friends and family who have taught me to dig deeper in God's Word. Thank you to faithful women in my life who have shown me not to settle for anything less than God's best.
Thank you for sharing your lives and love with me. Thank you for being who you are for your love has made me who I am today.
Thank you Jesus for such deep love and friendship that you have shown us that we can experience here on earth, and Lord I thank you, that no matter how great a friend or how deep the love~ the best awaits us when we are with you. 1 Corinthians 2:9 *No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him*
THANK YOU JESUS for being the best of friends....

Shout out to the brothers...

I decided today that there is nothing better than my brothers... I was thinking of this today because my Tokyo campus director, Mark Rood, told me he would like to have Mary and I arrive in Tokyo the (and he just threw this date out there) "13th of December". This is not just any date but my brother Jordan's (not the brother pictured) birthday. The big 2-9 that day. So that got me thinking... I never thank my brothers enough for the job they did, raising me.
Thank you Jeremy for teaching me to always try new things. If not for Jeremy's creative and adventurous spirit I don't think I would be as adventurous as I consider myself today. Jeremy went first in our family, FIRST. I don't think that would be very easy. Jeremy was the first to leave home, the first to test limits, letting me go further because of his first travels.
Thanks Jordan for installing in me the fear of "Itsy Bitsy Spider"~ if not for your sweet voice singing that song year after year while tickling me into tears and once peeing my pants, I would not be so fearful of that song.
Thank you Jonah for being the brother who challenged my faith and put in me a sense of claiming my faith as my own... It was Jonah's faith change at the University of Iowa that made me want to go there myself when I was applying for college, to experience the same kind of heart change.
With Jeremy I've learned to appreciate art, both pottery and cooking. Jeremy and I made pottery for our parents one time, he molded the clay and once it was fired I was going to paint it... except the store we went to lost it.
With Jordan I learned to ride my bike, without training wheels and without fear. I learned to love my sense of humor and appreciate my laugh. Jordan has a sense of humor I love, since usually I am the only one who is laughing at his jokes. :)
With Jonah I learned to appreciate wisdom and stuff that doesn't really make sense to me. Jonah is extremely smart... I mean, I think all my brothers are genuises, but Jonah? Jonah is actually a genius.
Hmm...
There is nothing better than my brothers... except maybe my sister-in-laws, but that is another blog all in itself. :)